The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Verdict: uncircumcised.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
