well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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