i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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