Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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