everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
