I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
