so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
