I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
