I cannot find my penis.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
