Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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