hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
