Can Purell be used as lube?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
