Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He did a backflip because drugs
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
