Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
