just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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