Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize