So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
