I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
