Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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