Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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