I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
