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• (416): View more from Ontario

  If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Being persistent has its perks my friend.

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• (514): View more from Quebec

  I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  They always sound like a bunch of chickens.

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'

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• (631): View more from New York

  He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..

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• (713): View more from Texas

  I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..

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• (914): View more from New York

  I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it

  (773): View more from Illinois

  It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy

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• (305): View more from Florida

  I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door

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