Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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