my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
