You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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