You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize