Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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