Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
