So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
