My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I believe in your delicious
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize