dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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