On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
