i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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