Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
