Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
