God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
