I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
