Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Send help, water and tortillas.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
