I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
