Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
