They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
