"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
