normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
