Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
