i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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