I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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