I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
