Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I am naked and annoyed.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
