My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
