Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize