i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
