Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
