a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
