I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
