I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize