Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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