I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize