i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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