Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
