I think I won the penis lottery.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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