How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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