Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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