it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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