RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
