Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
