we're chasing vodka with high fives
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
