sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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