I've blown a few things in my day
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
