I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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